Better Man

"She lies and says she's in love with him, can't find a better man."

I was talking with some colleagues who've been through quite a lot.  Of course, everyone has their own stories to tell and loads to bear, but these recollections were especially gripping, if only because they could have occurred to almost any person in the country.  It's about children and mothers and fathers and the absence of love that may have once been there but has gone completely away.  It's heartbreaking and yet all too common.  I'm the product of such a split, where my mom was left as the sole breadwinner and moral compass and jack-of-all-trades and playtime partner and everything else.  She served two roles, and did so flawlessly and seamlessly, rendering the absence of a "better" half moot.  She is an incredible woman.  Amidst so much other stress and fear and young adult confusion, she guided me on the way to success and, most of all, the conscience and werewithal to take responsiblity and be a strong and sturdy man.

All of this plays into my conversations from last night.  My coworkers are mothers.  They are hardworking and dedicated and loving and focused on providing the best life for their children.  Unfortunately, the fathers of these children are not to be found.  I mean, the way that the discussions went this could be seen as a good thing, but the reality of the situation is that these are mothers and fathers fighting for the children.  The men in both of these stories, as such in my own story, could be characterized as deadbeats, living with their parents well into their 30's, or the father of multiple children with multiple women.  There is no love, and no love lost, between the parties.  The parents have been to court so many times, fighting for their children's well-being.  The women seem well-intentioned while the men appear belligerent and spiteful.  This assumption is not because I'm close with the mothers, however; it was evident in my own life and seems to be the norm in my observances of everyday life.

Why are men so irresponsible?  That's the point of this rambling sans proofreading.  I was disgusted and dumbfounded by the stories I heard.  I know that they're true.  It sucks.  Where does it end?  Does it end?  Can it end?  Is it an endless cycle?  I mean, the boys that I teach are not going to win any father of the year awards.  I'm not trying to rush into any judgment with these guys, but I see the same character traits evident in so many men with little direction, i.e. my own father.

How do I affect change?  That was my thought the whole night.  I didn't know what to do.  How can I change the entire mindset of a whole generation of boys and men (and the generations hitherto as well?)  And then I realized that I already am changing things.  Who knows how many people will notice or care or change on account of me.  But I can positively affect one life.  I can be that man who stands firm and strong and unwavering.  I will be that man.  I can't wait to make that woman happy and glad and comfortable every single day.

2 Week(ish) Warning

There's nothing really new to add.  Life has become routine.  I mean, it's been routine for awhile now.  I haven't been too upset about it either, even though I always thought I would.  I figured a routine was what made life not worth living.  Routines were how people got old.  You do the same things on the same days and before you konw it you're 50.  That totally worried me.  But I like my routine.  It gives me things to look forward to during the monotony of the school day.

But now there're only two weeks left of school.  It's almost done.  That routine is going to be no more.  Maine is calling my name.

I'm so tired

Just focus on the "I'm so tired" part of the song.  And imagine it repeating over and over.  But I only have 11 days left of this.  Even though I think Maine wakeup calls are at the same time.  Whatever...

The End...

It seems like a lot of things are reaching their conclusions.  Tuesday, for one (might be a bit late on that).  Arrested Development season 4.  The school year.  Fear of the unknown.  Relationships?  Innocence.  Waiting for tomorrow, because the present is to be cherished.  My moratorium/sabbatical on climbing this past week (especially lead climbing!)  The month of May.  My regular blogging days.

But, as Semisonic says, "Every new beginning comes from some other beginning's end."

Good Night

Society

I had an incredible conversation with my students about a whole bunch of things after school today.  I mean, we talked for an hour and 45 minutes and it felt like 20 minutes.  It was awesome and it was pretty much the reason I became a teacher in the first place.  Yes, I like imparting knowledge and getting students prepared for the next step(s) in life, but so much of that preparation takes place outside of the defined hours of a school day.  There's so much that I want to tell the students that may be inappropriate during class.  But when I can share personal experiences and go deeper into any and every subject, I had been successful.  I have finally done what I needed to do!

Anyway, one of our topics of conversation today was society.  Much of our conversation stemmed from Into  The Wild (a development I couldn't be prouder of) and how it fits into small and larger scale living.  Society, we agreed, is more or less mob mentality.  It tells people what to believe and how to act.  If you don't act in that way, then you are judged.  It's sad but it's totally true.  If you try and have a unique opinion, you are deemed racist or judgmental or misguided or just plain wrong.  But why?  Shouldn't we be a country of acceptance?  Why must the majority opinion guide a supposedly open society?  What went wrong with society that it is now par for the course for giving up without trying or accepting failure or breeding mediocrity or taking handouts ad infinitum?  Where is the can-do, pick yourself up by the bootstraps attitude?

We talked about organized religion and its trappings, what a Higher Power means to each of us, texting rules, the ideal mates, parents, traveling, Madison High School, school of choice problems, and the society cycle of messed up parents giving rise to more and more messed up kids.  It was heavy.  I was happy.

Don't Blink