This is the second song on Forget And Not Slow Down. I really dig the Relient K sound on this record. It was probably the most guitar-driven album they've released. I love the way that the beats come straight at me, enveloping me in sonic joy. And that's before I even listen to the lyrics...
"It feels like everything is dying at the pivot point of me;
I listen to the sirens tell me things could still be worse."
One of the enduring themes of the album is that life doesn't end when seemingly monumental happenstances seek to bring us down. Our lives are so much bigger than one person or one event. We play a pivotal role in the lives of many people. They rely on us to bring joy or to be a crying shoulder or to just be someone to talk to. In the same way, we need others to do the same for us. But that's the thing - it's "others," as in the plural version. One individual, while having an extremely impactful influence on our lives, is not the only one who cares. We have others. And life is not over. There are so many terrible things going on in the world, and the sirens in the song are a way to keep us grounded. I think this is one of the most important ideas to remember. There are people worse off. If we don't pick up our compartively amazing lives, then we are insulting those who actually have it bad. It's a sucky thought to be sure, but, as Jimmy Carter would say, "it is the truth and it is a warning."
"'Cause if you close your eyes and listen close,
You can hear the chapter close...
'Cause if this was our destiny I'd treasure the fact
And I'd give you what's left of me if I'd held back"
Sometimes things end. The chapter closes. But the amazing thing about a chapter book is that there's another chapter that picks up right where the previous one left off. The story doesn't end. Even though we may seem like the book is done and there's no more left to write, it's an incomplete story. There's no denoument, no conclusion, no resolution. It reminds me of Doc Brown's final words in Back to the Future Part III: "Your future hasn't been written yet. No one's has. Your future is whatever you make of it. So make it a good one." We can't see ahead. We don't know what's going to happen. Our lives are up to us. Where we go, how we react, what we do are the product of our own decisions. We can accept the fact that the chapter is complete and start the next one, or we can mope and lament and stop reading. Hopefully the best decision is clear.
"But I don't need a soul
No, I don't need a soul to hold.
Without you I'm still whole,
You and life remain beautiful."
When things seem rough, we are still whole. When we lose those close, we still grasp our souls. This is the most crucial part. Perhaps we have spent a large amount of time relying on others and have almost forgotten how to help ourselves. But the fact still remains: we are still wholly complete inside. We only need to reach in and seek what was lost within. Life is still beautiful. People are still beautiful. We are still beautiful. But there comes a time when we need to be self-sufficient. That doesn't mean we need to shut out the world. We just need to love ourselves for who we are.
Of course, these are merely my own observations. I'm sure everyone else has a completely different interpretation...
Thursday, November 29, 2012
Forget And Not Slow Down
"I'd rather forget and not slow down
Than gather regret for the things I can't change now."
The plan is to spend the next few days running through Forget And Not Slow Down, my favorite Relient K album. It's funny what they say about music helping the soul. The lyrics can describe what we always wanted to say and make us feel that everything is all right. Songs capture moods. They can inspire us to be great amidst turmoil or to relax in times of trouble. They can encourage us to dance gaily during the joyous days and can even make us cry when the time is right. In 2009, this album helped me through some of the toughest times of my young life. I thought my worldview was going to be irrevocably shattered. I didn't think I'd be able to move on, and didn't even know if I wanted to. But some incredible friends, the book of Proverbs, and this album (to name just three things) helped me immensely. I moved on, as I always was going to. But it's the grace and civility with which I was able to advance my life that was so cool. For whatever reason, I'm thinking about the album once more.
"It's time to decide
Which is out of my mind,
Because it'll be me unless I put my thoughts to rest and leave some faults behind."
There's a lot clunking around in the ol' skull. I think this is true of many of us. It's painfully easy to be guilty of overthinking. Maybe we just need to forget. Make that conscious decision to throw out those things that are bogging us down and move on. Life is going to continue coming at us whether we approach it with open arms or try to jump out of the way to avoid it. If these are our two options, wouldn't we at least attempt to make it as easy as we can? Fighting something that we will ultimately lose to everytime seems silly. Embrace the change, the future, and the promise that the next minute, hour, day, and years can bring.
"I can spend my life just trying to sift through
What I could have done better but what good do what ifs do?"
What good is a "what if?" We can't change the past. The only thing we can affect is our future. We should be constantly looking ahead to what's next. Living in the past will only fill us with regret and remorse. Yes, of course it is crucial to learn from past mistakes, but we can only apply what we have learned to future situations. We can't slow down. Moving on and brushing away life's sour patches is an ideal that is rarely achieved but should be endlessly pursued. Think of the joy and encouragement we can bring to ourselves and, by extension, those around us when we choose to not let the past bother us. If we throw away that which can bring us down. A "what if" is just that...a "what if." It's a rhetorical question. It can't be answered with any definitiveness. The only way to atone for past mistakes is to embrace the future.
"If I become what I can't accept,
Resurrect the saint from within the wretch.
Pour over me and wash my hands of this."
Maybe forgiveness is the key here. Perhaps we have devolved into something unacceptable. With forgiveness we can march onward.
Than gather regret for the things I can't change now."
The plan is to spend the next few days running through Forget And Not Slow Down, my favorite Relient K album. It's funny what they say about music helping the soul. The lyrics can describe what we always wanted to say and make us feel that everything is all right. Songs capture moods. They can inspire us to be great amidst turmoil or to relax in times of trouble. They can encourage us to dance gaily during the joyous days and can even make us cry when the time is right. In 2009, this album helped me through some of the toughest times of my young life. I thought my worldview was going to be irrevocably shattered. I didn't think I'd be able to move on, and didn't even know if I wanted to. But some incredible friends, the book of Proverbs, and this album (to name just three things) helped me immensely. I moved on, as I always was going to. But it's the grace and civility with which I was able to advance my life that was so cool. For whatever reason, I'm thinking about the album once more.
"It's time to decide
Which is out of my mind,
Because it'll be me unless I put my thoughts to rest and leave some faults behind."
There's a lot clunking around in the ol' skull. I think this is true of many of us. It's painfully easy to be guilty of overthinking. Maybe we just need to forget. Make that conscious decision to throw out those things that are bogging us down and move on. Life is going to continue coming at us whether we approach it with open arms or try to jump out of the way to avoid it. If these are our two options, wouldn't we at least attempt to make it as easy as we can? Fighting something that we will ultimately lose to everytime seems silly. Embrace the change, the future, and the promise that the next minute, hour, day, and years can bring.
"I can spend my life just trying to sift through
What I could have done better but what good do what ifs do?"
What good is a "what if?" We can't change the past. The only thing we can affect is our future. We should be constantly looking ahead to what's next. Living in the past will only fill us with regret and remorse. Yes, of course it is crucial to learn from past mistakes, but we can only apply what we have learned to future situations. We can't slow down. Moving on and brushing away life's sour patches is an ideal that is rarely achieved but should be endlessly pursued. Think of the joy and encouragement we can bring to ourselves and, by extension, those around us when we choose to not let the past bother us. If we throw away that which can bring us down. A "what if" is just that...a "what if." It's a rhetorical question. It can't be answered with any definitiveness. The only way to atone for past mistakes is to embrace the future.
"If I become what I can't accept,
Resurrect the saint from within the wretch.
Pour over me and wash my hands of this."
Maybe forgiveness is the key here. Perhaps we have devolved into something unacceptable. With forgiveness we can march onward.
Tuesday, November 27, 2012
A Small Thought 2: Chivalry
We just finished learning about the Middle Ages in my World History class. The last thing that I wanted to squeeze in was aimed exclusively at the young men in my classroom: chivalry. Too often we, as men, have thrown away manners and common decency in favor of a personal sense of pride or selfishness. Guys, it seems, especially at Madison, don't have as much respect for gals as they should. They call them names and make fun of them. This is, I believe, a product of the culture in which they are growing up. It needs to change. Simply opening the door for a girl or letting a woman in front upon entering a long line - it's the small things that go a long way. It shows that we, as men, care. We are willing to sacrifice our own pleasure for the betterment of others. It used to be like this. Kind of. Perhaps the tales of the chivalrous knights are a little embellished, but it's still an important ideal to embrace. There needs to be a culture change. But I have no idea how to begin it...
Being a positive example is surely a small stepping stone.
Being a positive example is surely a small stepping stone.
A Small Thought
As the great Relient K once reminded me, "Loneliness and Solitude are two things not to get confused."
I think this is the thing that I need to be holding onto now. Loneliness is when you feel like you have no other options. People don't care for you and you are left struggling to pick up the pieces. Solitude is a choice. We seek it out to grow. We can learn tons about ourselves when we choose to be alone. I don't mean alone in the Chris McCandless way, but in the modern way in which we decide to eschew companionship for a short while in exchange for a much fuller understanding further on down the line. It sounds right.
But then there's the allure. How does one turn down the temptation? Especially if we're not sure with what intentions those temptations exist? It shouldn't have to be that difficult, right?
I think this is the thing that I need to be holding onto now. Loneliness is when you feel like you have no other options. People don't care for you and you are left struggling to pick up the pieces. Solitude is a choice. We seek it out to grow. We can learn tons about ourselves when we choose to be alone. I don't mean alone in the Chris McCandless way, but in the modern way in which we decide to eschew companionship for a short while in exchange for a much fuller understanding further on down the line. It sounds right.
But then there's the allure. How does one turn down the temptation? Especially if we're not sure with what intentions those temptations exist? It shouldn't have to be that difficult, right?
Saturday, November 24, 2012
The Vault: Hemingway
During my junior year of college I read some stories that had been submitted for a "Write Like Ernest Hemingway" contest. I was intrigued by the concept and decided to write one for myself. It took me awhile to find it, but here we go!
The trees were tall and the leaves were loud. Most of the leaves were on the ground, in varying degrees of rotting. Rick tiptoed over those damned leaves, bow on his shoulder. It was cold too. He buttoned his flannel jacket to his chin. Beside him walked Fred.
Now Fred Bear was a handsome son of a bitch. And he could charm the dress off any unsuspecting young woman. Or suspecting young woman. She was always young. He didn't take them any other way. He could aim too. Boy could he aim.
"Where the hell are all the deer?"
"They can't be rushed. They will come."
Fred was one of those spiritual hunters. He was out there for the thrill of the hunt, and didn't give a lick about feeding his family. Fred didn't have a family. He chased girls, bedded them, grew beards, and hunted. Rick hid his jealousy in an easy to find place.
"You've got to calm down. Drink this." Fred Bear produced a flask and gave it to Rick.
"We're carrying artillery."
"When the time is right, we will be rewarded."
Rick didn't know what this meant. He usually didn't know what Fred Bear meant. Fred Bear was focused on the flask.
Something flashed in the trees ahead. Rick struggled to get his bow straightened and aimed at the something. Fred Bear dropped the flask, dropped the prey, caught the flask. It was a fluid motion. Rick cursed the son of a bitch.
The trees were tall and the leaves were loud. Most of the leaves were on the ground, in varying degrees of rotting. Rick tiptoed over those damned leaves, bow on his shoulder. It was cold too. He buttoned his flannel jacket to his chin. Beside him walked Fred.
Now Fred Bear was a handsome son of a bitch. And he could charm the dress off any unsuspecting young woman. Or suspecting young woman. She was always young. He didn't take them any other way. He could aim too. Boy could he aim.
"Where the hell are all the deer?"
"They can't be rushed. They will come."
Fred was one of those spiritual hunters. He was out there for the thrill of the hunt, and didn't give a lick about feeding his family. Fred didn't have a family. He chased girls, bedded them, grew beards, and hunted. Rick hid his jealousy in an easy to find place.
"You've got to calm down. Drink this." Fred Bear produced a flask and gave it to Rick.
"We're carrying artillery."
"When the time is right, we will be rewarded."
Rick didn't know what this meant. He usually didn't know what Fred Bear meant. Fred Bear was focused on the flask.
Something flashed in the trees ahead. Rick struggled to get his bow straightened and aimed at the something. Fred Bear dropped the flask, dropped the prey, caught the flask. It was a fluid motion. Rick cursed the son of a bitch.
Friday, November 23, 2012
A Musical Mood: The Return
Have you ever listened to a song a bunch of times but never paid much attention to the lyrics? And then, when you least expect it, the words hit you like a brick wall and you realize that there was something there after all? It's happened to me loads of times, the most recent on the way back to the West Side for Thanksgiving.
As I've stated before, I've been really big on Bishop Allen lately. I'm slowly turning into one of those indie-pop snobs who listens to bands that nobody's ever heard of because nobody's ever heard of them. Anyhow, most of Bishop Allen's songs are thoroughly enjoyable. But they're not perfect. Every now and then, I hear one of the songs and skip it with little hesitation. The lyrics didn't make any sense, the beats were totally off, and the song was a complete waste of my time. Until Wednesday, this was the case with "The Envy of the Bees."
"They've just a single stinger.
To use it costs them life.
They know they better mean it.
They better be precise.
But I can sting again and again.
As often as I like.
I'm dangerous tonight,
The envy of the bees."
At first blush, I thought it was a stupid novelty song. What do I care about bees? Useless little flying animals, or so I surmised. But when I actually comprehended the lyrics, I was blown away.
Bees can only hurt once, and then they perish. But people can hurt again and again and again. We are rarely punished, or at least not to the extent that the bees are. What a sad social commentary. We sting and don't think twice. Why? Disillusionment? Selfishness? I can't quite put my finger on it, but I sure was floored when I got the lyrics. How true they are. Now that I'm aware, it's time to be the difference-maker.
As I've stated before, I've been really big on Bishop Allen lately. I'm slowly turning into one of those indie-pop snobs who listens to bands that nobody's ever heard of because nobody's ever heard of them. Anyhow, most of Bishop Allen's songs are thoroughly enjoyable. But they're not perfect. Every now and then, I hear one of the songs and skip it with little hesitation. The lyrics didn't make any sense, the beats were totally off, and the song was a complete waste of my time. Until Wednesday, this was the case with "The Envy of the Bees."
"They've just a single stinger.
To use it costs them life.
They know they better mean it.
They better be precise.
But I can sting again and again.
As often as I like.
I'm dangerous tonight,
The envy of the bees."
At first blush, I thought it was a stupid novelty song. What do I care about bees? Useless little flying animals, or so I surmised. But when I actually comprehended the lyrics, I was blown away.
Bees can only hurt once, and then they perish. But people can hurt again and again and again. We are rarely punished, or at least not to the extent that the bees are. What a sad social commentary. We sting and don't think twice. Why? Disillusionment? Selfishness? I can't quite put my finger on it, but I sure was floored when I got the lyrics. How true they are. Now that I'm aware, it's time to be the difference-maker.
A Musical Mood
"Pigs on the Wing" by Pink Floyd just so happened to come across my iTunes playlist. It's a two-part song...
Part I:
"If you didn't care what happened to me.
And I didn't care for you.
We would zigzag our way through the boredom and pain.
Occasionally glancing up through the rain.
Wondering which of the buggers to blame.
And watching for pigs on the wing."
And, after 35 minutes of jamming and screaming about Dogs, Pigs, and Sheep, we get Part II:
"You know that I care what happens to you.
And I know that you care for me too.
So I don't feel alone.
Or the weight of the stone.
Now that I found somewhere safe to bury my bone.
Any fool knows a dog needs a home.
A shelter from pigs on the wing."
I think it's the confused wailing between the bookends that really sets the tone. The protagonist is left wondering what would happen if he wasn't cared for. It seems a bit like unrequited love, an unrequited love that eventually dissipates into nothingness. The protagonist is curious as to what would happen if he finally were able to move on. His hypothesis is less than sterling. There would be pain, of course, and boredom, since he's leaving behind the only thing that he thoroughly enjoys, and, we can imagine, he would feel helpless and abandoned. It would be a tough pill to swallow if it were to happen. But all of this is, I believe, just the musings of a man.
After his yelling about the danger of the dogs and the soldier-like solidarity of the sheep, we see that it was all a dream. He does care. And his love cares for him as well. Or at least he believes that he is cared for. As promising as the song may appear - the love is still there and it has survived the complexities of life - there is still a jaded and cynical view that can be taken. Pushing aside all of the schlock and veneer, there may be something less than admirable going on...
The third line of Part II talks about the protagonist's fear of being alone. He also discusses how all dogs need a home, lest they run wild and don't live up to their full potential. If a dog has a home, that means he has shelter, food, people to pick up after him, and people to care for him. It is a desirable situation - all domesticated dogs presumably want a life like this. In the same way, all people want to feel that comfort as well. But perhaps this protagonist is embracing comfort for comfort's sake. I mean, he's no longer alone, right? He's imagined all the horrors that will occur if he's not with her. Wouldn't it make more sense, he reasons, to just stay with the one who has provided that safe place to bury the bone? That place that will be protected and can be returned to whenever it's time to chew on the bone again? I don't know...perhaps the intentions are not as pure as originally thought.
But we need to remember that this is a Pink Floyd song we're looking at here. They're much better at singing about a man's descent into madness than professing any sort of love. Should we just accept the shortcomings evident in the song and embrace it as a valiant attempt at showing genuine human emotions? I don't know. I'm probably looking into the song too much. I mean, it could also be a realization that nobody else is worth a damn to the protagonist. He's seen everything that the world could become with her in it. This is a sign of major props to her - she alone makes his world pure and right and full. If this is the case, the protagonist should be applauded for loving so strongly and passionately.
This leaves us some place in the middle. On the one hand, we have the thinking man's solution, that the protagonist is just looking out for himself and trying to be as happy as he can be, even if it's at the expense of other people. On the other hand, we've got the hopeless romantic, who feels that love is strong enough to overcome the bonds that try to hold it down. The protagonist can't imagine a world without her! Isn't that enough? That's poetry at it's finest!
So where does that leave us? It's up to our own interpretation of course! On any given day we may feel one way about it, and then do a complete about-face the next day. Our circumstances influence our thoughts. The most important thing is that we remain true to those thoughts that define us, those thoughts that cannot be influenced. Perhaps then will we be able to fully understand this love.
One more thing: what exactly are we talking about when we discuss the pigs on the wing? What does that mean? After much consternation and examination, I'm starting to think that it's a metaphor for anything that is difficult to imagine or understand. There are going to be those situations in which we don't know what to do or how to handle it. That's why we have that crutch, as the protagonist so aptly reminds us. The love is the shelter. The pigs serve to make things more difficult, more troublesome. But the love overpowers. One man's interpretation.
Part I:
"If you didn't care what happened to me.
And I didn't care for you.
We would zigzag our way through the boredom and pain.
Occasionally glancing up through the rain.
Wondering which of the buggers to blame.
And watching for pigs on the wing."
And, after 35 minutes of jamming and screaming about Dogs, Pigs, and Sheep, we get Part II:
"You know that I care what happens to you.
And I know that you care for me too.
So I don't feel alone.
Or the weight of the stone.
Now that I found somewhere safe to bury my bone.
Any fool knows a dog needs a home.
A shelter from pigs on the wing."
I think it's the confused wailing between the bookends that really sets the tone. The protagonist is left wondering what would happen if he wasn't cared for. It seems a bit like unrequited love, an unrequited love that eventually dissipates into nothingness. The protagonist is curious as to what would happen if he finally were able to move on. His hypothesis is less than sterling. There would be pain, of course, and boredom, since he's leaving behind the only thing that he thoroughly enjoys, and, we can imagine, he would feel helpless and abandoned. It would be a tough pill to swallow if it were to happen. But all of this is, I believe, just the musings of a man.
After his yelling about the danger of the dogs and the soldier-like solidarity of the sheep, we see that it was all a dream. He does care. And his love cares for him as well. Or at least he believes that he is cared for. As promising as the song may appear - the love is still there and it has survived the complexities of life - there is still a jaded and cynical view that can be taken. Pushing aside all of the schlock and veneer, there may be something less than admirable going on...
The third line of Part II talks about the protagonist's fear of being alone. He also discusses how all dogs need a home, lest they run wild and don't live up to their full potential. If a dog has a home, that means he has shelter, food, people to pick up after him, and people to care for him. It is a desirable situation - all domesticated dogs presumably want a life like this. In the same way, all people want to feel that comfort as well. But perhaps this protagonist is embracing comfort for comfort's sake. I mean, he's no longer alone, right? He's imagined all the horrors that will occur if he's not with her. Wouldn't it make more sense, he reasons, to just stay with the one who has provided that safe place to bury the bone? That place that will be protected and can be returned to whenever it's time to chew on the bone again? I don't know...perhaps the intentions are not as pure as originally thought.
But we need to remember that this is a Pink Floyd song we're looking at here. They're much better at singing about a man's descent into madness than professing any sort of love. Should we just accept the shortcomings evident in the song and embrace it as a valiant attempt at showing genuine human emotions? I don't know. I'm probably looking into the song too much. I mean, it could also be a realization that nobody else is worth a damn to the protagonist. He's seen everything that the world could become with her in it. This is a sign of major props to her - she alone makes his world pure and right and full. If this is the case, the protagonist should be applauded for loving so strongly and passionately.
This leaves us some place in the middle. On the one hand, we have the thinking man's solution, that the protagonist is just looking out for himself and trying to be as happy as he can be, even if it's at the expense of other people. On the other hand, we've got the hopeless romantic, who feels that love is strong enough to overcome the bonds that try to hold it down. The protagonist can't imagine a world without her! Isn't that enough? That's poetry at it's finest!
So where does that leave us? It's up to our own interpretation of course! On any given day we may feel one way about it, and then do a complete about-face the next day. Our circumstances influence our thoughts. The most important thing is that we remain true to those thoughts that define us, those thoughts that cannot be influenced. Perhaps then will we be able to fully understand this love.
One more thing: what exactly are we talking about when we discuss the pigs on the wing? What does that mean? After much consternation and examination, I'm starting to think that it's a metaphor for anything that is difficult to imagine or understand. There are going to be those situations in which we don't know what to do or how to handle it. That's why we have that crutch, as the protagonist so aptly reminds us. The love is the shelter. The pigs serve to make things more difficult, more troublesome. But the love overpowers. One man's interpretation.
Thursday, November 22, 2012
The Little Things
It is an absolutely beautiful day outside. I went on an amazing run and spent the entire time marveling at the sun and the leaves and the warmth. In a few minutes I will be going over to my grandparents' house and eating a delicious turkey dinner. I will then reunite with my high school buddies and we'll fulfill every man's dream by going shopping and then dining at the Golden Corral. Family, friends, and food. I'm so pumped. I wish Thanksgiving weekend came more than once a year. But then I wonder if I'd appreciate it as much if it did. I'd hope so. But at any rate, I'm thankful that I have at least one weekend a year where I can return to the days of yore and celebrate together. Happy Thanksgiving!
Wednesday, November 21, 2012
Thanksgiving: Students' Stories
Yesterday was the last day before Thanksgiving break. Boy is this long weekend welcomed with open arms. I'm not really getting burned out. In fact, I'm feeling like I'm firmly in control of my classes and that I can present lessons that are engaging, stimulating, and force the kids to think critically and take control of their own lives, particularly their futures. If nothing else, I want every student who crosses the threshold into E-102 to learn compassion, love, tact, nature, critical thinking, self-sufficiency, and the uniqueness that lies in all of us. Then, and only then, will I consider myself a successful teacher.
Anyway, I asked some of my students what they were thankful for. A few paraphrased samplings.
"I'm thankful that during the time I got suspended I was able to see my uncle. I know that it's a sort of a bad thing because I had to get suspended, but it ended up really good because it's the first time in a long time that we were able to get the whole family together."
"I'm thankful for my brothers because they remind me of my mom."
"I'm thankful for music because a lot of times I don't know how to describe how I'm feeling but the songs describe it perfectly."
"I'm thankful for God. I don't know really where I stand with religion, but the concept of God has given so many people hope and happiness. The God of any religion has provided people with something to hold onto and I'm happy for it."
"I'm thankful for life. Everyday that I wake up."
These are freshmen. They're pretty awesome.
Anyway, I asked some of my students what they were thankful for. A few paraphrased samplings.
"I'm thankful that during the time I got suspended I was able to see my uncle. I know that it's a sort of a bad thing because I had to get suspended, but it ended up really good because it's the first time in a long time that we were able to get the whole family together."
"I'm thankful for my brothers because they remind me of my mom."
"I'm thankful for music because a lot of times I don't know how to describe how I'm feeling but the songs describe it perfectly."
"I'm thankful for God. I don't know really where I stand with religion, but the concept of God has given so many people hope and happiness. The God of any religion has provided people with something to hold onto and I'm happy for it."
"I'm thankful for life. Everyday that I wake up."
These are freshmen. They're pretty awesome.
100
This is my 100th post! I've actually made it through almost a third of the year blogging. It's been a really fun experience. It feels good to hone my craft and thoughtfully flesh out topics that hitherto I would only briefly entertain. I feel that I am growing as a writer (or at least not watching my skills erode) and am coming to grips with the way that life and all of its myriad topics really work. If anybody reads these, thanks. It's a great accountability check. I didn't know, when I first envisioned a year's worth of blogs, if I'd fail miserably or pass with flying colors. I've kind of been that guy who putters out sometimes when things become too difficult or too boring. I've never felt like I had that finishing drive to complete things or follow through on promises and priorities. But even though there have been a few days where I miss a blog and have to make it up, I still feel like I am fulfilling my goal. I know I'm not even 30% there, but it's very encouraging for my psyche.
100 more?!
100 more?!
Monday, November 19, 2012
Thanksgiving: A Primer
I was just thinking about some of the things that I'm thankful for and I figured I'd trumpet one super important one here real quick. I'm really appreciative of my friends and family who have given me words of wisdom and a supportive shoulder to lean on. So many to name, and I love them all. I've been blessed with some of the best people on the planet. Sure we all use that cliche, but it doesn't mean it's any less true. My life has been enhanced immeasurably. It's been lit up. And if I could provide only half of what my loved ones have given me, I'd be happy. Thanks.
Vignettes II
- Be positive. Smile more. Think about the effect that a smile can have on someone. I remember my sophomore year indoor track season. We were running at EMU and I was doing a nice little cooldown around campus. It was a cold Saturday and there weren't very many milling about on campus. I was running around the dormitory area and saw a nice-looking lass with a parka and some books. She was obviously going to be doing some studying. I just happened to run nearby and she took the time to smile. It wasn't enormous or anything, but it struck me. My spirit was lifted. It took me a couple of seconds to register what had happened - I mean, it's such a rare occasion for people to just smile out of the blue like that. I was so affected that, after I had recovered from the initial shock, I ran back to find her and tell her thanks. But she was gone. I was stuck. I hadn't smiled back. Now it's time to avenge my missed opportunity. Smile, be happy, and be positive.
- Don't let negativism interfere. When it's noticeable, it rubs off. Life should be fun. Don't take it too seriously. And don't take yourself too seriously either.
- Sometimes blank pages appear to frightening. It's a daunting task, realizing we have so many pages to fill. Perhaps we subconsciously write larger or somehow subvert our thoughts into more drawn out remonstances. But if you think about it, those blank pages represent opportunity and chance and the unknown. They represent life. We are constantly filling out our hitherto empty journals or notebooks via the actions and thoughts of our everyday lives. Sometimes we write in pencil and other times in permanent ink. The wisest ones can tell the difference and adjust accordingly.
- Don't let negativism interfere. When it's noticeable, it rubs off. Life should be fun. Don't take it too seriously. And don't take yourself too seriously either.
- Sometimes blank pages appear to frightening. It's a daunting task, realizing we have so many pages to fill. Perhaps we subconsciously write larger or somehow subvert our thoughts into more drawn out remonstances. But if you think about it, those blank pages represent opportunity and chance and the unknown. They represent life. We are constantly filling out our hitherto empty journals or notebooks via the actions and thoughts of our everyday lives. Sometimes we write in pencil and other times in permanent ink. The wisest ones can tell the difference and adjust accordingly.
Saturday, November 17, 2012
Rain
"Oh let the rain fall down,
And wash this world away.
Oh let the sky be grey.
Because if it's ever gonna get any better,
It's gotta get worse for a day."
- Bishop Allen
I've kind of been on a Bishop Allen kick for a few days now. I've liked them for a number of years, but their lyrical prowess hasn't really registered with me until recently. For some reason they sing about China a lot, but nevertheless their lyrics are definitely resonating with me.
This is sort of a continuation from my previous post, in which I was discussing the way that we grow through trying times as opposed to the easy days. Well, today we're going to go a step further. When things are rough, when we don't feel like we can make it through the week, or the day, or the hour, we need to have a positive outlook. In all of these tribulations, there is a tremendous opportunity for growth. We just need to harness that. There are multiple divergences. Some lead down dark and desolate avenues. Others can lead to success and true growth. It matters what road we take. It is our decision. We alone are, I believe, in charge of our own destiny. And if we decide to take the sucky times and turn them into internal development, then we will be rewarded.
Things can get out of control sometimes. We may not feel like we can handle them. But there is a silver lining. To get better, we need to get past the bad times. As difficult as it sounds, I think we need to accept those bad times with grace and civility. We cannot take life too seriously or we will drown (metaphorically of course). When it rains, it pours. Rain spoils picnics and ballgames, is wet and cold, and makes people feel miserable. But rain also washes away bird poop and makes plants grow. It is essential to life. In the same way, it is essential to our lives. When we allow ourselves to work through the terrible times, our mistakes can be washed away and we can start fresh and new. We can take root in the newly replenished soil and grow to our full potential.
"It's gotta get worse for a day..."
And wash this world away.
Oh let the sky be grey.
Because if it's ever gonna get any better,
It's gotta get worse for a day."
- Bishop Allen
I've kind of been on a Bishop Allen kick for a few days now. I've liked them for a number of years, but their lyrical prowess hasn't really registered with me until recently. For some reason they sing about China a lot, but nevertheless their lyrics are definitely resonating with me.
This is sort of a continuation from my previous post, in which I was discussing the way that we grow through trying times as opposed to the easy days. Well, today we're going to go a step further. When things are rough, when we don't feel like we can make it through the week, or the day, or the hour, we need to have a positive outlook. In all of these tribulations, there is a tremendous opportunity for growth. We just need to harness that. There are multiple divergences. Some lead down dark and desolate avenues. Others can lead to success and true growth. It matters what road we take. It is our decision. We alone are, I believe, in charge of our own destiny. And if we decide to take the sucky times and turn them into internal development, then we will be rewarded.
Things can get out of control sometimes. We may not feel like we can handle them. But there is a silver lining. To get better, we need to get past the bad times. As difficult as it sounds, I think we need to accept those bad times with grace and civility. We cannot take life too seriously or we will drown (metaphorically of course). When it rains, it pours. Rain spoils picnics and ballgames, is wet and cold, and makes people feel miserable. But rain also washes away bird poop and makes plants grow. It is essential to life. In the same way, it is essential to our lives. When we allow ourselves to work through the terrible times, our mistakes can be washed away and we can start fresh and new. We can take root in the newly replenished soil and grow to our full potential.
"It's gotta get worse for a day..."
Thursday, November 15, 2012
Clementines
"We can only come of age in the cold."
- Bishop Allen
I remember watching an old 20/20 with my mom about a decade ago. It was all about the new ways that parents "punish" their children. No more do they spank or put them in time out; instead, they give them a sticker of a cactus ("cold prickly") or a teddy bear ("warm fuzzy"). These stickers are intended to be reminders that certain behaviors are supposed to be bad, while others behaviors can be rewarded. But instead of using physical reinforcement, parents are trying to be "nicer" to their kids (or something lame like that) by not showing any tough love. To this day, my mother and I poke fun at the silly "cold prickly" concept. How will these children ever learn the realities of the world?
For some reason, this story sticks out in my mind. What does that have to do with the rest of this post? Maybe nothing. Maybe something. I was thinking, however, about how when times are good, we kind of forget to grow. We casually choose not to remember the hardships that we've overcome to get to that point. Think about the myriad rock star biopics or sports star news stories. They started with humble beginnings, only to ascend to superstardom with a little hard work and chutzpah. Once they got to the top, however, many of them forgot the hurdles they jumped to get there. This concept shines brightest for me when examined through a Christian lens.
A lot of people curse God when things go against them. Others, when life gets them down, pray for God to intercede and take away their pain and woe. When these people get through their trying times, I'm sure they are initially joyous and thankful to God. But that joy and gladness gradually dissipates. At some point, most of us become too proud, too haughty. We put too much stock in our own abilities and begin to think that we no longer need God or any other deity - we alone are enough. We have transcended the bad times and made our lives good again. I'm reminded of that song "God Knows I'm Good" by David Bowie. In the song, an old lady is trying to steal something from the market by concealing it in her handbag. She believes she won't get caught because "God knows I'm good." She thinks He will turn a blind eye since she's so been so pious and ignore the sin. But when she gets caught, she cries out that "God knows I'm good" and wants Him to look upon her again and save her from punishment. How interesting to see her wanting Him when it's convenient for her and dissing Him when it's not. Unfortunately, I believe this situation may be true for many of us.
But here's the main point. When times are good, we are content. We do not seek to grow. We feel no need. We have reached the pinnacle and don't need to climb any higher. Things are incredible. These are the warm times, where it's always sunny with a high of 75. But those cold times, when problems trouble us and we feel so insecure and unloved, is when we can truly grow. We learn how to fight through rough times. We become stronger and self-sufficient. We find transcendence and meaning through ourselves rather than others. We learn about what really makes us, us. We change. We become a more put together being. Once we learn how to handle a broken pride, inward pain, sorrow, or what have you, we become something more. We become closer to reaching our full potential of everything we were meant to be.
Personal growth is an amazing thing. It is essential to life. When issues become overwhelming and we dip into that cold and prickly lifestyle, we can grow. It's a choice, of course, but it is the perfect time to make it.
- Bishop Allen
I remember watching an old 20/20 with my mom about a decade ago. It was all about the new ways that parents "punish" their children. No more do they spank or put them in time out; instead, they give them a sticker of a cactus ("cold prickly") or a teddy bear ("warm fuzzy"). These stickers are intended to be reminders that certain behaviors are supposed to be bad, while others behaviors can be rewarded. But instead of using physical reinforcement, parents are trying to be "nicer" to their kids (or something lame like that) by not showing any tough love. To this day, my mother and I poke fun at the silly "cold prickly" concept. How will these children ever learn the realities of the world?
For some reason, this story sticks out in my mind. What does that have to do with the rest of this post? Maybe nothing. Maybe something. I was thinking, however, about how when times are good, we kind of forget to grow. We casually choose not to remember the hardships that we've overcome to get to that point. Think about the myriad rock star biopics or sports star news stories. They started with humble beginnings, only to ascend to superstardom with a little hard work and chutzpah. Once they got to the top, however, many of them forgot the hurdles they jumped to get there. This concept shines brightest for me when examined through a Christian lens.
A lot of people curse God when things go against them. Others, when life gets them down, pray for God to intercede and take away their pain and woe. When these people get through their trying times, I'm sure they are initially joyous and thankful to God. But that joy and gladness gradually dissipates. At some point, most of us become too proud, too haughty. We put too much stock in our own abilities and begin to think that we no longer need God or any other deity - we alone are enough. We have transcended the bad times and made our lives good again. I'm reminded of that song "God Knows I'm Good" by David Bowie. In the song, an old lady is trying to steal something from the market by concealing it in her handbag. She believes she won't get caught because "God knows I'm good." She thinks He will turn a blind eye since she's so been so pious and ignore the sin. But when she gets caught, she cries out that "God knows I'm good" and wants Him to look upon her again and save her from punishment. How interesting to see her wanting Him when it's convenient for her and dissing Him when it's not. Unfortunately, I believe this situation may be true for many of us.
But here's the main point. When times are good, we are content. We do not seek to grow. We feel no need. We have reached the pinnacle and don't need to climb any higher. Things are incredible. These are the warm times, where it's always sunny with a high of 75. But those cold times, when problems trouble us and we feel so insecure and unloved, is when we can truly grow. We learn how to fight through rough times. We become stronger and self-sufficient. We find transcendence and meaning through ourselves rather than others. We learn about what really makes us, us. We change. We become a more put together being. Once we learn how to handle a broken pride, inward pain, sorrow, or what have you, we become something more. We become closer to reaching our full potential of everything we were meant to be.
Personal growth is an amazing thing. It is essential to life. When issues become overwhelming and we dip into that cold and prickly lifestyle, we can grow. It's a choice, of course, but it is the perfect time to make it.
Wednesday, November 14, 2012
Vignettes I
- We fear change, don't we? Except for when it's change that we want...
For example, I had no fear at all for my first day on the job at Madison. Actually, I didn't fear my first day at Sterling Heights for student teaching either. Work and interviews have never worried me. Why?
Being alone = fear. Branching out/vulnerability = fear. So that's a form of discomfort, and yet I want to embrace discomfort? How do I do it? How can that be done? So, then, what is it that I want? And, further, what do I need?
- Check it out. Let's assume that I get one year with these kids. And now a quarter of that is gone. I have 75% more of the year. Seems like a lenghty period of time - but I'm already done with a quarter! And what have I done? How have I changed lives? Have I? Can I? Teach the way I want to teach. Teach what I'm most passionate about. Love. Compassion. Transcendentalism. Nature. Exploring. Traveling. People. Society.
- I contemplated the sunrise today. It was absolutely tremendous. The air was still. The trees were stiff and bare. My breath floated away into nothingness. People were moving. Cars were out and about, spoiling the beauty. Or were they? Perhaps the beauty lies in the movement. Every single person in the city was doing something different. They were all interdependent. We were all interdependent - I'm a part of this too. I was moving as well. The gas station attendant is essential in this society. So is the construction worker, the line operator, the repairman, the driving instructor, the electrician, and the police officer. We all play a role. We all affect each other in a unique way, ways that we can't even link together half of the time. The brilliant nectarine color of the sunrise reminded me that I am not the only person in this world. At the same time, the sun was rising in Peru. It was setting in China. It was dark in Kenya. This world is huge. I am so small and inconsequential in the grand scheme of things. But I'm going to strive to be of consequence in the small scheme. I can affect one life at a time. Yes, that's 1/7,000,000,000 of the world, but so am I. Each person is important. We are all so different, and yet we share the same sunrise. Different religions, different languages, different desires - and yet we share the same respiratory system, spinal cord, and ventricles. We are all members of the same earth.
For example, I had no fear at all for my first day on the job at Madison. Actually, I didn't fear my first day at Sterling Heights for student teaching either. Work and interviews have never worried me. Why?
Being alone = fear. Branching out/vulnerability = fear. So that's a form of discomfort, and yet I want to embrace discomfort? How do I do it? How can that be done? So, then, what is it that I want? And, further, what do I need?
- Check it out. Let's assume that I get one year with these kids. And now a quarter of that is gone. I have 75% more of the year. Seems like a lenghty period of time - but I'm already done with a quarter! And what have I done? How have I changed lives? Have I? Can I? Teach the way I want to teach. Teach what I'm most passionate about. Love. Compassion. Transcendentalism. Nature. Exploring. Traveling. People. Society.
- I contemplated the sunrise today. It was absolutely tremendous. The air was still. The trees were stiff and bare. My breath floated away into nothingness. People were moving. Cars were out and about, spoiling the beauty. Or were they? Perhaps the beauty lies in the movement. Every single person in the city was doing something different. They were all interdependent. We were all interdependent - I'm a part of this too. I was moving as well. The gas station attendant is essential in this society. So is the construction worker, the line operator, the repairman, the driving instructor, the electrician, and the police officer. We all play a role. We all affect each other in a unique way, ways that we can't even link together half of the time. The brilliant nectarine color of the sunrise reminded me that I am not the only person in this world. At the same time, the sun was rising in Peru. It was setting in China. It was dark in Kenya. This world is huge. I am so small and inconsequential in the grand scheme of things. But I'm going to strive to be of consequence in the small scheme. I can affect one life at a time. Yes, that's 1/7,000,000,000 of the world, but so am I. Each person is important. We are all so different, and yet we share the same sunrise. Different religions, different languages, different desires - and yet we share the same respiratory system, spinal cord, and ventricles. We are all members of the same earth.
Tuesday, November 13, 2012
59th Street Bridge Song
"Slow down, you move too fast. You've got to make the moment last."
- Simon and Garfunkel
Every moment is worth embracing. It may not seem that way at first blush, but it can be true if we alter our perceptions. We need to slow down. Life is made up of so many avenues for us to follow. We need to be here at this time, and then over there at that time, and then up here before so and so arrives...it can be dizzying. Scheduling every portion of our life can only serve to turn life into something to get through as opposed to something to be savored. Slow down. Relax. Think. Reassess. Think about Socrates: "An unexamined life is not worth living." It's clear as Saran wrap - our lives mustn't get away from us. We need to take our lives into our own hands. Think about the things that we are living for. Examine. Search. Seek. Find.
I laughed today. I spent 15 hours at school. It was excruciating. Grades were due by midnight and I had to make sure that I had everything prepared. I didn't leave the building until 10 p.m. Ordinarily I would be pretty cranky. There's nothing redeeming about coming home just to go to bed. But I laughed. I was listening to "Atlantis" by Donovan and started thinking about my future. I have these grandiose plans (more like ideas, or brainstorms) and I began to get excited. And I realized that my future is whatever I make of it. I can choose to be dull and ordinary. I can choose to follow societal norms. I can choose to be depressed. I can choose to hold on when there's nothing there. I can choose to be full of whimsy and joy. I can choose to walk and seek and love my fellow man. I can choose to explore. I can choose to relax and wait. For a brief few seconds, a blip on the radar screen of my day, it all became clear. Slow down...you move too fast.
We can feel groovy if we decide to. Life is a series of unrelated and yet intertwined events all coming together around us. Each person has his/her own definition of life, as all of these events are perceived in a different way. It's such a miracle! No two lives are exactly the same. Nobody has the exact same thoughts and ideas. This uniqueness is what makes us. I am unique. I will continue to be so. I've got to make this moment last. And I can't let anything stand in the way. Knock down those road blocks. Erase those impediments. It's just me...and that's all it needs to be right now.
- Simon and Garfunkel
Every moment is worth embracing. It may not seem that way at first blush, but it can be true if we alter our perceptions. We need to slow down. Life is made up of so many avenues for us to follow. We need to be here at this time, and then over there at that time, and then up here before so and so arrives...it can be dizzying. Scheduling every portion of our life can only serve to turn life into something to get through as opposed to something to be savored. Slow down. Relax. Think. Reassess. Think about Socrates: "An unexamined life is not worth living." It's clear as Saran wrap - our lives mustn't get away from us. We need to take our lives into our own hands. Think about the things that we are living for. Examine. Search. Seek. Find.
I laughed today. I spent 15 hours at school. It was excruciating. Grades were due by midnight and I had to make sure that I had everything prepared. I didn't leave the building until 10 p.m. Ordinarily I would be pretty cranky. There's nothing redeeming about coming home just to go to bed. But I laughed. I was listening to "Atlantis" by Donovan and started thinking about my future. I have these grandiose plans (more like ideas, or brainstorms) and I began to get excited. And I realized that my future is whatever I make of it. I can choose to be dull and ordinary. I can choose to follow societal norms. I can choose to be depressed. I can choose to hold on when there's nothing there. I can choose to be full of whimsy and joy. I can choose to walk and seek and love my fellow man. I can choose to explore. I can choose to relax and wait. For a brief few seconds, a blip on the radar screen of my day, it all became clear. Slow down...you move too fast.
We can feel groovy if we decide to. Life is a series of unrelated and yet intertwined events all coming together around us. Each person has his/her own definition of life, as all of these events are perceived in a different way. It's such a miracle! No two lives are exactly the same. Nobody has the exact same thoughts and ideas. This uniqueness is what makes us. I am unique. I will continue to be so. I've got to make this moment last. And I can't let anything stand in the way. Knock down those road blocks. Erase those impediments. It's just me...and that's all it needs to be right now.
Monday, November 12, 2012
Filler
I'm kind of at a loss as to what to say right now. Today was an interesting day. My substitute canceled on me and I had to wait around until they could finally find another one. Only then was I allowed to leave for Professional Development, which was a total bore. After that finally got done at 3:30, I headed back to school to do more grading and get lessons ready for tomorrow, since it's the beginning of a new marking period, except I can't do too much because I have more Professional Development on Wednesday, which also happens to be conferences...brutal. But I did get to go to dinner with my grandpa! That was pretty awesome.
But all that is to say that my mind has been running all over the place. I have so many things to do and I feel like I'm being pulled in so many directions. So tonight I decided to just throw some filler out there. Something to get the job done but nothing too exuberant. I don't really have anything thoughtful to toss out there right now. I'm just...blah. I kind of feel like mush. Maybe I should do another of those stream of consciousness posts. I really enjoyed that.
But not today Zurg. Sorry.
But all that is to say that my mind has been running all over the place. I have so many things to do and I feel like I'm being pulled in so many directions. So tonight I decided to just throw some filler out there. Something to get the job done but nothing too exuberant. I don't really have anything thoughtful to toss out there right now. I'm just...blah. I kind of feel like mush. Maybe I should do another of those stream of consciousness posts. I really enjoyed that.
But not today Zurg. Sorry.
Sunday, November 11, 2012
An Interesting Take
You can check out the whole thing, but 4:50 is where the good stuff is, though it's all good stuff. After everything, it goes on. Whether remaining friends or not, it continues. I don't think any of us are immune to it. Accepting it, though, is an incredible accomplishment.
Be sure to watch the whole movie at some point in your life! Annie Hall. It's all on Youtube!! What a website!
A Brief Continuation
I'll provide some more coherent thoughts tonight, but I've become consumed by wanderlust. The road is an incredible place to be. There is so much to see, so many to meet, so little time.
When most people think of comfort, they think of a steady job with a biweekly paycheck and a mortgage that is the unlucky result of a roof over their heads. They are plugging away at a career, saving up for that retirement bonus and that pension plan. They are calmed by knowing where they're going to sleep every night and where they're going to depart to in the morning. Comfort. Security. Safety.
Do we ever find comfort from discomfort? The illogical allure of chance and fate, providing the backdrop for discovery. That vulnerability, that exposure, brings out the best. Why is it that, sometimes, we feel most comfortable when we don't know what's going to happen next? When we have to rely on our wits and prior knowledge and common sense and spirit? When we decide to embrace adventure and the unknown and run with it?
Are there others out there like that?
When most people think of comfort, they think of a steady job with a biweekly paycheck and a mortgage that is the unlucky result of a roof over their heads. They are plugging away at a career, saving up for that retirement bonus and that pension plan. They are calmed by knowing where they're going to sleep every night and where they're going to depart to in the morning. Comfort. Security. Safety.
Do we ever find comfort from discomfort? The illogical allure of chance and fate, providing the backdrop for discovery. That vulnerability, that exposure, brings out the best. Why is it that, sometimes, we feel most comfortable when we don't know what's going to happen next? When we have to rely on our wits and prior knowledge and common sense and spirit? When we decide to embrace adventure and the unknown and run with it?
Are there others out there like that?
A Fond Memory
Recently I've felt a bit stuck. I'm going a bit stir crazy. Things don't always go the way we want them to, nor do they happen the way we expect them to. I can make plans today and watch them blow away like autumn leaves tomorrow. I once had grandiose ideas for what I wanted my life to become. Even now I have a rough plan, though certainly not as streamlined as they once were...I've got more of a general outline right now as opposed to a firm plan. But the point is that I don't know what will happen in the next 60 seconds, let alone in the coming months and years. The best thing we can do is appreciate what we have right now, learn from what we once had, and love one another. Such an easy concept on paper...
One of my greatest memories took place a little over a year ago. I had just landed in Atlanta for a brief training camp with my Kenya team before departure on a planned 3-month missions journey. Our first assignment was to talk with people in the city. We didn't need to necessarily spread Jesus or anything like that - we were just building relationships. I kind of broke off from the group and was walking around Centennial Park in downtown ATL at 11 p.m. looking for people to talk with. I ended up playing chess with a group of middle-aged black men. I lost twice, talked about truck driving and the WNBA, and kept pinching myself thinking about how awesome this experience was.
Looking back, it's such an insane memory. I don't think I've shared it often, and everytime I do I'm wowed by how bizarre it must sound to those listening. But meeting people...that's the point. There are people with stories. Just as my chessmates had stuff to discuss, just as I have reminscences to share, so too does everyone else. There are so many stories out there, so many people to meet, so many new things to discover. I think I've been too timid for most of my life to really explore all that this world has to offer. I'm working on it. Atlanta was a turning point. Talking to the grandparents in the Bryce Canyon parking lot and eating peanut butter cookies was a turning point. Meeting Melissa at Black Canyon of the Gunnison was a turning point. Madison High School is a turning point if I choose to look at it that way.
I want to explore people. As a byproduct I will be able to see the world, but people are the main thing. I have so many inspirations...and, with the right thinking, I can utilize my next 30 weeks as a school teacher and turn them into the beginning of my exploration journey.
One of my greatest memories took place a little over a year ago. I had just landed in Atlanta for a brief training camp with my Kenya team before departure on a planned 3-month missions journey. Our first assignment was to talk with people in the city. We didn't need to necessarily spread Jesus or anything like that - we were just building relationships. I kind of broke off from the group and was walking around Centennial Park in downtown ATL at 11 p.m. looking for people to talk with. I ended up playing chess with a group of middle-aged black men. I lost twice, talked about truck driving and the WNBA, and kept pinching myself thinking about how awesome this experience was.
Looking back, it's such an insane memory. I don't think I've shared it often, and everytime I do I'm wowed by how bizarre it must sound to those listening. But meeting people...that's the point. There are people with stories. Just as my chessmates had stuff to discuss, just as I have reminscences to share, so too does everyone else. There are so many stories out there, so many people to meet, so many new things to discover. I think I've been too timid for most of my life to really explore all that this world has to offer. I'm working on it. Atlanta was a turning point. Talking to the grandparents in the Bryce Canyon parking lot and eating peanut butter cookies was a turning point. Meeting Melissa at Black Canyon of the Gunnison was a turning point. Madison High School is a turning point if I choose to look at it that way.
I want to explore people. As a byproduct I will be able to see the world, but people are the main thing. I have so many inspirations...and, with the right thinking, I can utilize my next 30 weeks as a school teacher and turn them into the beginning of my exploration journey.
Thursday, November 8, 2012
Bond...James Bond
The new James Bond movie, Skyfall, is coming out tomorrow. I'm beyond thrilled. The James Bond movies are absolutely incredible. I remember going to the theater to see Casino Royale, my first Bond film. I was mesmerized. The opening sequence, the theme song, the Bond girl, the storyline, the action, the martinis, the villain...all of it seemed so fresh and new and wonderful to me. I was hooked. I knew that I needed to see more.
I was the luckiest guy ever. It just so happened that I was dating a girl at the time who had access to every single Bond movie that had ever been released. Over the next two months, I consumed the movies as if they were Pop-Tarts. I would go through three a week. I would examine the nuances of the different performances, the exotic locales, the similarities between the other films, the cultural references, and everything else. I loved the fact that there was always a new theme song, a new villain hell-bent on destroying the world, a new honey (sometimes literally - Honey Ryder anyone?), and new gadgets that just so happened to come in extremely handy at the most opportune times. I think one of the most amazing aspects was the sheer predicability of it all. Bond would be in a seemingly inescapable situation and then escape in a blaze of British glory. His villains would have endless chances to kill him and would instead feed him and explain their plan for world domination first. There would be pools of sharks and double agents. Basically it was everything that Austin Powers parodied, but portrayed with a straight face. I loved it. I couldn't get enough.
Many times people go to the movies to see something different. They want to be wowed by the unexpected. They want to be blown away by the unpredictable. But when it came to James Bond, I wanted the same. I was so upset that the last two movies didn't have Q or Moneypenny. I hated that Bond started having feelings and not sleeping with every hot young lady within arm's reach. I didn't like how his tuxedo would sometimes get wrinkled. That kind of stuff didn't happen to Bond. When watching Quantum of Solace, I thought that I had somehow walked into a Jason Bourne movie. The old-fashioned one-liners were gone, to be replaced by brooding and revenge. Not my cup of tea.
I thought that it was so much fun to see the little differences. Where was the action taking place this time? What new gadgets has Q thought up this time around? Who's the hottie that Bond will conquer next? What will be the villains bizarre trait? It created a sort of comfort zone for me. I felt like I was "in the club" or something. I knew what would happen before it happened.
I've had the immense pleasure to write multiple papers about James Bond, both in high school and in college. I talked about how the Bond movies had a pulse on the goings-on in the world - Goldeneye after the fall of Communism being filmed in Russia, A View to a Kill concerning itself with computer warfare when Silicon Valley is just on the cusp of superstardom (for lack of a better term), and Moonraker capitalizing on the Star Wars craze and launching Bond to space. I wrote a paper about Live and Let Die and the blaxploitation effect. I've discussed the all-too-real (in my eyes) possibility of a takeover of Fort Knox. I've talked about how homosexuals were presented onscreen in Diamonds are Forever. Bond movies were always, it seems, breaking walls and maintaining position. Bond wouldn't be able to last 50 years if the movies didn't change with the times, and change they have, at least subtly. But now I'm looking for a return to the good old days. No more of this all action, no tongue-in-cheek humor, emotional Bond. Let's go back to what made him great!
But no matter what happens, I will not abandon him. He's brought me way too much joy. Get ready for Skyfall!
I was the luckiest guy ever. It just so happened that I was dating a girl at the time who had access to every single Bond movie that had ever been released. Over the next two months, I consumed the movies as if they were Pop-Tarts. I would go through three a week. I would examine the nuances of the different performances, the exotic locales, the similarities between the other films, the cultural references, and everything else. I loved the fact that there was always a new theme song, a new villain hell-bent on destroying the world, a new honey (sometimes literally - Honey Ryder anyone?), and new gadgets that just so happened to come in extremely handy at the most opportune times. I think one of the most amazing aspects was the sheer predicability of it all. Bond would be in a seemingly inescapable situation and then escape in a blaze of British glory. His villains would have endless chances to kill him and would instead feed him and explain their plan for world domination first. There would be pools of sharks and double agents. Basically it was everything that Austin Powers parodied, but portrayed with a straight face. I loved it. I couldn't get enough.
Many times people go to the movies to see something different. They want to be wowed by the unexpected. They want to be blown away by the unpredictable. But when it came to James Bond, I wanted the same. I was so upset that the last two movies didn't have Q or Moneypenny. I hated that Bond started having feelings and not sleeping with every hot young lady within arm's reach. I didn't like how his tuxedo would sometimes get wrinkled. That kind of stuff didn't happen to Bond. When watching Quantum of Solace, I thought that I had somehow walked into a Jason Bourne movie. The old-fashioned one-liners were gone, to be replaced by brooding and revenge. Not my cup of tea.
I thought that it was so much fun to see the little differences. Where was the action taking place this time? What new gadgets has Q thought up this time around? Who's the hottie that Bond will conquer next? What will be the villains bizarre trait? It created a sort of comfort zone for me. I felt like I was "in the club" or something. I knew what would happen before it happened.
I've had the immense pleasure to write multiple papers about James Bond, both in high school and in college. I talked about how the Bond movies had a pulse on the goings-on in the world - Goldeneye after the fall of Communism being filmed in Russia, A View to a Kill concerning itself with computer warfare when Silicon Valley is just on the cusp of superstardom (for lack of a better term), and Moonraker capitalizing on the Star Wars craze and launching Bond to space. I wrote a paper about Live and Let Die and the blaxploitation effect. I've discussed the all-too-real (in my eyes) possibility of a takeover of Fort Knox. I've talked about how homosexuals were presented onscreen in Diamonds are Forever. Bond movies were always, it seems, breaking walls and maintaining position. Bond wouldn't be able to last 50 years if the movies didn't change with the times, and change they have, at least subtly. But now I'm looking for a return to the good old days. No more of this all action, no tongue-in-cheek humor, emotional Bond. Let's go back to what made him great!
But no matter what happens, I will not abandon him. He's brought me way too much joy. Get ready for Skyfall!
Wednesday, November 7, 2012
Forrest
I was thinking the other day, as I will inevitably do, about the power of movies. Films have an incredible impact on our lives, whether it's a direct inspiration or an indirect idea that serves to subconsciously push us toward action. Forrest Gump was on my mind today. Obviously there's tons to glean from the story - rising up out of anonymity to become great, never letting anybody get you down, believing in the power of positive thinking - but I was thinking about one aspect in particular. Forrest was always in love with Jenny. Even when she was off living the hippie lifestyle, shagging every man she could find, and consuming any sort of drug she could lay her fingers on, Forrest hung out and forgave her. I mean, he still lived his awesome life, but he didn't pursue anybody else. Perhaps he didn't know any better. But I think that makes it a whole lot easier sometimes. Overthinking and holding grudges usually doesn't make us happier people.
Forrest deserves admiration. He forgives people. When he is being made fun of or taken advantage of, he remains positive and naive. We always look at naivete as a bad thing, as a sign of innocence or stupidity. But what if it's something greater than that? What if it's exactly what people need to be successful in this world? I mean, our world is filled with hate and anger and an eye for an eye mentality. If you hurt my feelings, for example, then I'd be remiss if I didn't hurt yours. But where does that get us? Two people are sad, instead of just one. I don't need to whip out my utility calculus to know that that doesn't make anybody happier.
So what's wrong with forgiveness? Turning a blind eye to the mistakes of the past? Dwelling not on what we did, but rather what we do? Wouldn't we all be in a better state? Holding grudges and being angry is, I will grant you, an effective defense mechanism. But maybe we have too much pride. What if we didn't need that defense mechanism in the first place? Abandon our pride, throw away our hurt, and just forgive. Forrest forgave. His love lasted beyond whatever Jenny could throw at him. When she finally learned what she needed, Forrest was there. He wasn't cold or admonishing. He was a pillar of steadfastness. An example. He wasn't hurt because he chose not to be. Why can't we all make that choice?
Getting even may make us feel better in the short term. But I think it will screw us up in the long term. It's time to try forgiveness. Things just might get a little brighter.
Forrest deserves admiration. He forgives people. When he is being made fun of or taken advantage of, he remains positive and naive. We always look at naivete as a bad thing, as a sign of innocence or stupidity. But what if it's something greater than that? What if it's exactly what people need to be successful in this world? I mean, our world is filled with hate and anger and an eye for an eye mentality. If you hurt my feelings, for example, then I'd be remiss if I didn't hurt yours. But where does that get us? Two people are sad, instead of just one. I don't need to whip out my utility calculus to know that that doesn't make anybody happier.
So what's wrong with forgiveness? Turning a blind eye to the mistakes of the past? Dwelling not on what we did, but rather what we do? Wouldn't we all be in a better state? Holding grudges and being angry is, I will grant you, an effective defense mechanism. But maybe we have too much pride. What if we didn't need that defense mechanism in the first place? Abandon our pride, throw away our hurt, and just forgive. Forrest forgave. His love lasted beyond whatever Jenny could throw at him. When she finally learned what she needed, Forrest was there. He wasn't cold or admonishing. He was a pillar of steadfastness. An example. He wasn't hurt because he chose not to be. Why can't we all make that choice?
Getting even may make us feel better in the short term. But I think it will screw us up in the long term. It's time to try forgiveness. Things just might get a little brighter.
Tuesday, November 6, 2012
Election Night In America
Am I better off now than I was four years ago? I can honestly say yes, but with the caveat that I was a college student during the last election and now I am a grown man and stuff. But there is steady work out there. I was able to find two teaching jobs this summer, and I don't even teach math or science. I was able to get a job at Domino's with no problem at all. People are hiring, both college grads and high school students. Jobs are plentiful. Seriously. Those who say they are not are either not looking in the right place or let their pride get in the way. Of course this is just one man's humble opinion, but, in my experience at least, it's true.
That being said, I wanted Romney to win. But what I'm really trying to get across tonight is that it doesn't matter who is in office or in what direction our legislature or Supreme Court leans. At the end of the day, the only person we need to be held accountable to is ourselves. Anybody can stand up and make a change. We can decide to make our own lives better. We don't need the government to tell us so. With the right attitude, we can accomplish anything that we set our minds to. It takes guts, common sense, and a little bit of self-respect and motivation. These are the things we should be teaching the citizenry. Government doesn't solve our problems. We do.
That being said, I wanted Romney to win. But what I'm really trying to get across tonight is that it doesn't matter who is in office or in what direction our legislature or Supreme Court leans. At the end of the day, the only person we need to be held accountable to is ourselves. Anybody can stand up and make a change. We can decide to make our own lives better. We don't need the government to tell us so. With the right attitude, we can accomplish anything that we set our minds to. It takes guts, common sense, and a little bit of self-respect and motivation. These are the things we should be teaching the citizenry. Government doesn't solve our problems. We do.
Monday, November 5, 2012
The Power Of An Idea
Ideas never die. They are the lifeblood that continues to pump through us, giving us the will and courage to keep on with the mundane and drudgery. Having an idea, no matter how looked down upon or ridiculed, is a beautiful thing. It provides hope when despair would otherwise overrun. Ideas are things to shoot for, goals to aim at. When people say no, the idea lives on. How can they be defeated? Our ideas are ourselves, manifested beyond all common sense and responsibility that may arise. When we are cast as losers or failures or pathetic, our ideas live on.
But here's the thing...it's one thing to have ideas. They keep us going. They are powerful and moving and crucial to our very existence. We need to be careful, however, to not allow our ideas to consume us. Living a life based solely on ideas can render us inconsequential and held hostage by that which we imagine, rather than that which is real.
What I'm writing about tonight...passion. Something that we feel strongly about, so strongly that we can stake our lives on it. That idea will never die. We pursue it, and, if strong enough, it will live on. An idea cannot be stomped on, threatened, or stolen. Yes, having our ideas does not necessarily make us right. Far from it. But if we feel so passionate about it, so convinced, then how can we be wrong? It's our idea. Don't let those ideas burn out.
I watched V for Vendetta tonight. Made me think...
But here's the thing...it's one thing to have ideas. They keep us going. They are powerful and moving and crucial to our very existence. We need to be careful, however, to not allow our ideas to consume us. Living a life based solely on ideas can render us inconsequential and held hostage by that which we imagine, rather than that which is real.
What I'm writing about tonight...passion. Something that we feel strongly about, so strongly that we can stake our lives on it. That idea will never die. We pursue it, and, if strong enough, it will live on. An idea cannot be stomped on, threatened, or stolen. Yes, having our ideas does not necessarily make us right. Far from it. But if we feel so passionate about it, so convinced, then how can we be wrong? It's our idea. Don't let those ideas burn out.
I watched V for Vendetta tonight. Made me think...
Sunday, November 4, 2012
Tomorrow
At some point my fundamental views changed. A shift from eternal optimist to pessimistic soul has rendered me...confused. The best I can do is to look forward to tomorrow. Every tomorrow will bring something new. I'm so excited. I need to be excited for it. I've got people relying on me. I'm needed. I know that. So - a perspective change is in order. For the good of the people around me at the very least.
Friday, November 2, 2012
Infant Innocence
"Infant Innocence"
"The grizzly bear is huge and wild;
He has devoured the infant child.
The infant child is unaware
It has been eaten by the bear."
A.E. Houseman
That's how it always happens, right? We don't know until it's too late.
Many times we are minding our own business, naive and innocent. And then it happens - what we had becomes something entirely different altogether and we are powerless to stop it. It envelops us, until we have been completely devoured. Innocence has been lost. And even after, we continue. We have no idea that the bear has us in its jaws.
"The grizzly bear is huge and wild;
He has devoured the infant child.
The infant child is unaware
It has been eaten by the bear."
A.E. Houseman
That's how it always happens, right? We don't know until it's too late.
Many times we are minding our own business, naive and innocent. And then it happens - what we had becomes something entirely different altogether and we are powerless to stop it. It envelops us, until we have been completely devoured. Innocence has been lost. And even after, we continue. We have no idea that the bear has us in its jaws.
Thursday, November 1, 2012
(500) Days Of...
Dates are a wicked way to measure time. Sometimes everything seems like it was so long ago, and you find out that it was fairly recent. Time has merely slowed to a crawl for you, rendering life as something to "get through" instead of something to enjoy. Other times it seems like it was only yesterday when we did something memorable, only to find out that it's been a month. Time can also jolt by us like a lightning bolt, leaving nothing but scorched earth in its stead.
500 days ago was June 20, 2011. It was the first day of summer. A Monday. To be honest, I have no idea what I was doing. But I was happy. There were a lot of days that I remember being happy. Those are incredible memories. They were plentiful. I could pick them off the trees like cherries in July. They weren't tainted by fertilizer either - they were pure and tasty and lovely.
There were also some nasty memories in the intervening 500 days. Many of them recent. They sadden me. But I know that they are not the norm. They really never were, because I had some of the happiest times ever during the same period - thinking about them right now brings me back. How can that be no longer?
All this is to say that I wish my life were a non-linear story line put on camera and told with dramatic background music and full of goofy supporting characters. I want to film it all and then watch it, reel to reel, like Leo during The Aviator. A lot can happen in 500 days. And a lot can happen in one day. It's so interesting to think about the long-term ramifications of a seemingly inconsequential action on one day. It's also crazy to have the same bizarre, unexplainable emotion for 500 days and more, unable to have it smashed by...anything.
Joseph Gordon-Levitt got it all figured out. He raged against the dying of that light, moped appropriately, and, with some chance luck, figured things out. He didn't want it. It had to be taken from him. And now here's normal old Ryan, movie-less, Joe-schmo teacher, unable to come close to explaining what has morphed into the most crucial thing he knows.
500 days is, of course, an arbitrary cut off. But think about what the next 500 days might bring. And I'm the lead writer for each and every one of those days. Aren't I?
500 days ago was June 20, 2011. It was the first day of summer. A Monday. To be honest, I have no idea what I was doing. But I was happy. There were a lot of days that I remember being happy. Those are incredible memories. They were plentiful. I could pick them off the trees like cherries in July. They weren't tainted by fertilizer either - they were pure and tasty and lovely.
There were also some nasty memories in the intervening 500 days. Many of them recent. They sadden me. But I know that they are not the norm. They really never were, because I had some of the happiest times ever during the same period - thinking about them right now brings me back. How can that be no longer?
All this is to say that I wish my life were a non-linear story line put on camera and told with dramatic background music and full of goofy supporting characters. I want to film it all and then watch it, reel to reel, like Leo during The Aviator. A lot can happen in 500 days. And a lot can happen in one day. It's so interesting to think about the long-term ramifications of a seemingly inconsequential action on one day. It's also crazy to have the same bizarre, unexplainable emotion for 500 days and more, unable to have it smashed by...anything.
Joseph Gordon-Levitt got it all figured out. He raged against the dying of that light, moped appropriately, and, with some chance luck, figured things out. He didn't want it. It had to be taken from him. And now here's normal old Ryan, movie-less, Joe-schmo teacher, unable to come close to explaining what has morphed into the most crucial thing he knows.
500 days is, of course, an arbitrary cut off. But think about what the next 500 days might bring. And I'm the lead writer for each and every one of those days. Aren't I?
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