Lambert's

One of the highlights of my trip was the dining experience at Lambert's Cafe in Ozark, Missouri.  It's been featured on the Food Network for its outrageous portion sizes and bizarre tradition of throwing rolls to people, as opposed to setting out a breadbasket or something else more socially respectable.  Of course, since I'm not a regular Food Network viewer, I didn't know any of this going in.  I was just told that it's famous.  Oh boy...

The building itself was enormous and the parking area could have held 300 vehicles, but the dining room was surprisingly small.  There was a paper towel roll and some prewrapped silver ware (metal!) awaiting us at our booth and we were immediately served water in Big Gulp mugs.  I knew right then that this was some place special.  Then the designated roll thrower started tossing out these steamy and delicious rolls while the beautiful molasses girl trailed behind and offered some sugary sweetness to enhance the flavor.  I'd started gorging on the rolls and complimentary fried okra before my order was even sent to the kitchen.

When my chicken-fried steak finally arrived, I was shocked.  I'm pretty sure my mouth hung open, but that could have been because it was so overstuffed already.  It was literally the size of an elephant ear -  a real one.  It was also topped with mashed potatoes and gravy.  My plate (more like a steel mess kit) was 80% full with this monstrous cut of meat, but this was before the unlimited sides started making their way to the table.  Kitchen staff began bringing out goulash, potatoes, and black-eyed peas...and didn't stop!  Nothing ever stopped here.  I was told that even if I had finished my entree, I could have gotten more.  Every entree was available for refills!  It was like a buffet, except I never had to stand up and avoid the sneeze guards.  It was bliss, with a little bit of heaven thrown in.

I don't really know what else to say.  It was one of the greatest eating experiences of my life.  My stomach hurt, and yet I left smiling.  Rolls flying everywhere, food every which way I looked, and smiles.  Yeah it sounds enormously cliched, but it's the truth.  This place was craaaay!  Time to plan the return trip...