2 Week(ish) Warning

There's nothing really new to add.  Life has become routine.  I mean, it's been routine for awhile now.  I haven't been too upset about it either, even though I always thought I would.  I figured a routine was what made life not worth living.  Routines were how people got old.  You do the same things on the same days and before you konw it you're 50.  That totally worried me.  But I like my routine.  It gives me things to look forward to during the monotony of the school day.

But now there're only two weeks left of school.  It's almost done.  That routine is going to be no more.  Maine is calling my name.

I'm so tired

Just focus on the "I'm so tired" part of the song.  And imagine it repeating over and over.  But I only have 11 days left of this.  Even though I think Maine wakeup calls are at the same time.  Whatever...

The End...

It seems like a lot of things are reaching their conclusions.  Tuesday, for one (might be a bit late on that).  Arrested Development season 4.  The school year.  Fear of the unknown.  Relationships?  Innocence.  Waiting for tomorrow, because the present is to be cherished.  My moratorium/sabbatical on climbing this past week (especially lead climbing!)  The month of May.  My regular blogging days.

But, as Semisonic says, "Every new beginning comes from some other beginning's end."

Good Night

Society

I had an incredible conversation with my students about a whole bunch of things after school today.  I mean, we talked for an hour and 45 minutes and it felt like 20 minutes.  It was awesome and it was pretty much the reason I became a teacher in the first place.  Yes, I like imparting knowledge and getting students prepared for the next step(s) in life, but so much of that preparation takes place outside of the defined hours of a school day.  There's so much that I want to tell the students that may be inappropriate during class.  But when I can share personal experiences and go deeper into any and every subject, I had been successful.  I have finally done what I needed to do!

Anyway, one of our topics of conversation today was society.  Much of our conversation stemmed from Into  The Wild (a development I couldn't be prouder of) and how it fits into small and larger scale living.  Society, we agreed, is more or less mob mentality.  It tells people what to believe and how to act.  If you don't act in that way, then you are judged.  It's sad but it's totally true.  If you try and have a unique opinion, you are deemed racist or judgmental or misguided or just plain wrong.  But why?  Shouldn't we be a country of acceptance?  Why must the majority opinion guide a supposedly open society?  What went wrong with society that it is now par for the course for giving up without trying or accepting failure or breeding mediocrity or taking handouts ad infinitum?  Where is the can-do, pick yourself up by the bootstraps attitude?

We talked about organized religion and its trappings, what a Higher Power means to each of us, texting rules, the ideal mates, parents, traveling, Madison High School, school of choice problems, and the society cycle of messed up parents giving rise to more and more messed up kids.  It was heavy.  I was happy.

Don't Blink

Gifts

One of the questions I asked my students today was "Is it ethically right to give/receive gifts?"  You see, we're reading Into The Wild, which is chock full of transcendentalist concepts and ideals.  Chris, the main character, decided on principle that he wasn't into gifts and would do everything in his power to avoid them.  He felt that they were mere trappings of society, whereby it's socially acceptable to purchase gifts to somehow buy respect.  He felt, as do I, that a person shouldn't be buying things to show how much they care for someone or how much they want to be cared for.  What matters is the content of one's character, one's actions and beliefs, not the size of one's bank account.

I thought pretty intensely about Chris's decision.  It seems, as I was reading the book, that he was mostly talking about gift receiving (though this may not actually be the case...I could have just been reading it incorrectly).  Many people derive a large amount of pleasure from the act of receiving, but I was thinking about giving.  I tend to give gifts because it makes me feel good to do so.  I like making people smile, showing people that I'm thinking of them.  I'm not fishing for return gifts or anything like that; I genuinely just want people to be happy.  Seeing shiny happy people is worth it for me.  It gives me a good feeling inside.  But isn't gift giving then very selfish?  I do it because it makes me feel good and worthy and all.  That's so selfish, right?  I should give gifts not out of that selfishness, that desire to feel better about myself, but, rather, out of complete and utter genorosity.  But how is that possible?  To some end, we are always self-serving.  I don't think we can ever put someone else WHOLLY in front of our own needs and wants and aspirations.  We do things because of the effects they will have on us, even though the results may be far-reaching enough to impact others, even those who are in special need of it.

But still...ethically, is it wrong to give gifts?  We've been taught that selfishness is unethical.  By extension, then, so is gift-giving.  I mean, if you receive no joy whatsoever out of gifting, then is it OK?  But by that token, is it really gifting?  And, further, does this idea apply to everything?  Like, if I eat a Twinkie because it tastes good to me, is that selfish and therefore unethical?  Should I eat prunes and cauliflower because I don't like the taste of those things?

I know I have no answers here.  I didn't even ask all the questions.  I did end up having a pretty good discussion with the students though!

High Of 75

I saw the Relient K concert on Wednesday and since then have been jamming to them whenever I get the chance.  Today, on the way back from trivia, I heard a lyric that I've heard hundreds of times but never really paid much attention to.  

"We might break up before I don't wake up to the sun."

I love this line.  It's all about the fluidity of life.  It always goes on.  Even when relationships don't work out, or plans fall through, or jobs and situations and all that seem really crummy, life always goes on.  The sun will go down and come up again in a sea of resplendence.  Every new day is a chance to embrace life once more.  It's a beautiful gift, one that should never be squandered, even if our problems and circumstances seem dire.  I mean, in perspective, they're not...

We just need to look on the bright side of things.  If we always think life is "sunny with a high of 75," then our dispositions will be lighter and happier.  If it's rainy, then we're looking for that negativity in life and allow it to sweep over our thoughts and minds and every crevice that our life inhabits.  It's a constant choice, a choice that is never easy to make, even after it's been made thousands of times.  But looking on the positive side of things, even if it's only to fulfill a faux reality to make you appear happier, will eventually lead to more satisfying times.

Summer

Dude, I can't believe it's here.  I don't know how it happened so quickly, but here we are 2/3 of the way through May.  The temperature, according to my car thermometer on the way home from work, was 92.  It was sunny and humid and all of the students in my class were too beat down by heatstroke that they couldn't even disrupt class in their normal ways.  I'm ready for school to be over, which is the surest sign of all that summer has finally arrived.  I don't know how it came so fast.  It feels like it was just winter last week, and I was brushing snow off my car's windshield and praying for a snowday.  Then came the first faint whispers of spring, with a 60 degree tease followed by icy showers and frosty yards.  And, suddenly, here comes summer at full blast.  I love those first few weeks, when all you want to do is sit outside and enjoy it.  You want to relax with a book and some lemonade and soak up the rays.  Sometimes it can be a little too much and we pine for the winter days again, but those early summer days when the warmth bursts onto the scene can never be equaled.  And while it makes running a big problem, I don't even think I mind that much.  I'm just happy to be outside without a shirt.

Fast

Everything is flying by.  The days begin and are quickly spent.  There is little time to stand still and rest.  In many ways this is a good thing.  My days are not being wasted.  I'm fulfilling them to the best of my ability and have been having fun while doing so.  I don't really have much more to say other than I have been marveling at life...the way that twists and turns and ups and downs and lowlights and highlights can hit us at any time.  It's a wholly beautiful experience.  I never know what to expect in the mornings.  I mean, I can guess, but it's not going to be as I predicted.  It's the most wonderful thing about life.

A Short Post To Fulfill My Quota

We talked about transcendentalism in class today.  It was mostly an intro, but some of the kids seemed to get pretty into it.  We soon transitioned into the philosophy that goes into the movement and an incredible discussion ensued.  It was amazing.  And then, after class, my favorite student of all time came up asking if she could have an extra writing assignment.  She wanted to expand upon her thoughts that were piqued during the lecture/discussion/prereading questionnaire.  I wanted to cry with delight.  It was...tremendous.  It was a gift.  To see students eager to learn...my teaching goals are starting to be fulfilled.

One Month To Go

In one month I will be in the car driving to Maine to begin my summer as a climbing instructor.  I couldn't be more excited for the opportunities that are going to be presented there for me.  It's pretty thrilling.  Of course, I can't help thinking about the great times I've had at Madison these past 8 months.  I've somehow become extremely happy.  How unexpected, and yet so awesome!

The Flow

Recently I've been going with the flow (and I don't just mean my hair).  I once had a plan and I tried to follow it meticulously.  But the plan shattered.  I worked tirelessly for months to repair it, to no avail.  There were always a few missing pieces.  So instead of creating a new plan, I've been going with the flow.  I'm doing me.  It sure is great.  I'm happy.  Especially when the flow throws pleasant things at you that you totally aren't expecting.

Equality

Does true equality exist?  I've seen countless bumperstickers and billboards and news shows proclaiming equality.  We as a nation, so it goes, must continue to shed the ideals of racism and hatred and enter into the next chapter, where everyone is accepted.  Gay?  Fine by us.  Black?  Fine by us.  Immigrant?  Fine by us.  We are told to love everyone and discriminate no one.  It's what the bleeding hearts are trumpeting.  But just make sure you don't disagree with them.  Because their love of equality turns into a vitriol-fueled rage with holier-than-thou undertones.  You become excised, put down, thrown under the bus, fired, kicked out of school/bar/position of authority because you have the AUDACITY to challenge the prevailing wisdom, to question whether we've really become more equal of if we've merely shifted the prejudice.  There's something wrong with this picture.

Teaching Successes!

Today was one of those days when I felt like a real quality teacher.  First, I had the students take a final test on "Romeo and Juliet," the play they'd been reading for nearly a month and had analyzed and explored and everything.  It was a 12 question short answer test about characterization and certain literary elements.  While they were taking it, the room was totally silent.  All I heard was the scratching of pencils and the birds twittering in the courtyard.  When students are writing their ideas down on paper and working on critical thinking skills, I feel like everything I've been working for has come to fruition.

And then there's the soundtrack project.  I gave them the rubric and assignment sheet on Friday last and it is due tomorrow.  At the very minimum, students are required to provide 12 songs that match up with the play and explain why that song was chosen and the MOOD and TONE associated with the song.  The students will be writing at least a paragraph per song, resulting in 12 paragraphs of work.  For freshmen, this is probably a heavy workload, and yet I was so pumped to hear the students telling me how fun it was (though difficult as well) and updating me on their progress.  And then I received 8 emails from students who were already done.  And the work is quality!  I'm so excited!  I feel vindicated, like everything that I stood for as a teacher is finally happening!  Tomorrow is the final due date...Let's get 100% completion rate!

Gary Pt. II

I talked with a student today who used to be very close with Gary.  She told me that last year, when they were in middle school, he would always be nice and easy to talk to.  He would invite her to play basketball during gym class and they were pretty good friends.  One day, right before summer break began, she saw his mom chew him out at the park.  She didn't see him during the summer and, when he returned, he was a completely different person.  He would yell and swear at her, he would be disrespectful and rude to teachers, and he had an extremely poor attittude.  She tried to rekindle the friendship at the start of the year, but he wasn't having it and she gave up.

She also said that Gary deserved what he got.  He acted the fool, so now he's being made a fool.  I don't know how I feel anymore.  Obviously his home life is nothing to speak of.  He's been kicked out of his house.  He has trust issues with his mother and women in general.  He'd gotten into some bad stuff to cope or try and fit in or for some other reason.  But he came to school everyday.  He hopped the bus and arrived at school and got decent grades.  He is a knowledgeable boy.  So why just throw him back?  What will he accomplish now?  Madison could have been his only respite from gang initiation or a life of street crime.  But I feel like we gave up.  Sure, 9 times out of 10, or even 99 times out of 100, we would have failed with him. But he still had that chance.  He was a good boy once upon a time.  He is smart and has some issues, but we failed.  I failed.  Big time.  It sucks.  I didn't realize I would feel this way.

Pictures And Words And Feelings

It's hard to put into words the way that I'm feeling today.  I mean, it's been similar to the last few days.  It's good.  But it's something more than that.  You know, they say that a picture is worth a thousand words.  Yet I'm not entirely sure a picture would help out either.  What one image would I use to capture my thoughts?  It's really more of a feeling.  How do we describe feelings?  I alone can experience them.  I can try to share them through physical manifestations or a command of the English language, but it never really hits home until it's lived by another.  I sort of wish people could live my feelings.  That'd be fun.

Gary

I found out today that one of my students is being expelled.  He's been on a very short leash and finally went a little too far.  The story goes that he had marijuana and several people saw that he was flashing it in class.  When I learned this, there were some very complicated emotions that ran through my head.  The first was that he deserved it.  This was a kid who kept taking advantage of the system, thinking he could get away with anything.  He knew full well that the district was hesitant to kick anyone out because of the fundage that would be forfeited upon his removal from the school.  But his luck had finally run out and he went too far.  How else is he going to learn, I suppose?  I mean, his actions have consequences, just as they will in the real world, and he is going to have to pay for his missteps.  Plus he was a pretty disrespectful and annoying kid in my classes anyway.  Justice was finally served.

But then I walked into the teacher lounge and started thinking a bit more.  One of the teachers I've been hanging out with a lot has taken him under her wing.  Sure sometimes he acted up in her room and may have seemed unappreciative at times, but I know that she was a positive influence on her life.  He has no family, no home life to speak of.  His mom kicked him out and he is generally extremely distrustful toward women.  The fact that my colleague was able to reach him, even a little bit, to the point that he even called her "mom," is an incredible feat.  It's something to be admired.  Here was this difficult child who showed no apparent interest in learning or graduating, being proverbially knocked over the head by a teacher that genuinely cared.  I saw improvement from him in my classes throughout the last few weeks.  He was still a pain, but he was putting his knowledge to good use and was going to pass my classes with good to great marks.  But now...

I get where my fellow teacher is coming from.  She's pissed that she gave him everything she had, fed him attention when he desired it, showed him a sort of love that he hadn't received before, and he as good as spit in her face.  But she tried.  She worked to help this kid.  It doesn't always work, but it does work sometimes.  That "sometimes" is enough.  She worked toward change...

How do I effect change?  That was my thought process today.  I focus on the easy kids, the ones who want to learn, the ones with fairly stable home lives and no extenuating circumstances to worry about.  It's simple.  Anyone can connect with those students.  I need to go beyond.  I need to take a risk and be a solid foundation for these kids.  I need to be that one piece of stability that they may have in their lives.  They may screw with that, too, but it's worth the shot.  It's always worth the shot.  It could fail 9 times out of 10, but that one is a real live human life, who could go out and change more lives himself...

And then I started thinking about expulsion itself.  I understand we have standards and decorum and rules and all that at Madison, but what good does an expulsion do?  It's adding to the problem and it makes me very sad.  Gary is going to go back to the streets and be nothing, even though he has the base knowledge to be something.  He's going to be like his parents before him.  His kids, presumably, are going to be like him.  This expulsion is merely adding to the cycle of misfortune and lower abilities in Detroit and other urban areas.  Yes, I still believe in educational Darwinism, but I pause to wonder how the kids who haven't been taught anything else, who have been left for nothing on the streets, who have been told that government assistance is the way to live and that disrespect is the way of the world and that one should never back down from a fight and that filthy language will be beneficial...what will they do?  I mean, do they know any better?  Isn't expulsion just adding to that cycle?  It's extending the lines even further between the haves and havenots.

Ferndale

My new adopted hometown is located just north of the Detroit city limits.  But while it may share a border with the big and "dangerous" city, it's an area miles removed.  For the first time I walked around the main street and stopped at the stores.  I went to the used book store, the record store, the antique store, got grub at the local diner, and people watched while music was pumping through the loudspeakers and the sun shone brightly on a delightful spring afternoon.  Ferndalians were milling about all over with smiles on their faces and hipster clothes on their bodies.  It was an insanely wonderful atmosphere.  The patios were full of customers enjoying the loosening grip of winter's cruel sting.  It sort of sucks that I've not enjoyed this majesty before...

The Shortest Weekend

I didn't stop doing things this weekend.  I was hanging out with my coworkers or traipsing about in Ferndale or climbing with friends or living it up in Mexicantown or catching up with my old teammates.  It was an awesome weekend.  No downtime, but it was unneeded.  I had a total blast.  I'm not entirely sure if I'm ready to tomorrow in the lessons department, but I think I could manage.  I have a few things I can have the students do.  Anyway, I wish weekend was a looot longer.

Soundtrack Project Intro

I'm pretty bushed since I've been making a soundtrack for a make-believe "Romeo and Juliet" movie.  I'm doing this project with my students and I'm introducing the rubric and an awesome example tomorrow.  It's pretty hard work narrowing it down to 80 minutes of music!  I'll provide more details later...hopefully this goes super well!

May

He we are.  It's May.  I remember October, when all I could think of was getting to May and leaving Michigan.  And now we're here.  I had an amazing topless run and played frisbee and read in the sun.  It was downright beautiful today.  There're so many fun things to do around here - climbing gym, trivia nights, Mexicantown, Midtown, downtown - that I don't really want to leave.  I've met so many tremendous people that I wasn't anticipating feeling anything about, and yet now I know I'm going to miss them something fierce. I've spent all year hoping for May, and now that it's here I want it to go away...but it sure was wonderful outside today!  What a mood booster!