Far Behind (A Lesson In Humility)

"Subtle voices in the wind
And the truth they're telling.
The world begins where the road ends.
Watch me leave it all behind."
- Eddie Vedder, "Far Behind"

I got a pretty interesting phone call last night from one of my colleagues at Madison.  She's been with the district for more than a score and has been around the block and through the wringer a few times too many.  As such, she is both wizened up to the nuances of the public education system, especially in our district, and extremely cynical when it comes to the inner workings of the school and its administrators.  She has burned a few bridges in her day and can come off as alternately abrasive and exceedingly kind in one fell swoop.  It's a dichotomy that is seldom seen and rarely embraced.  She reminds me a bit of Professor Slughorn from the Harry Potter series.  Since she has ended up on the bad side of so many higher-ups, it sort of seems like she "collects" new teachers to be on her side and agree with her sentiments.  I don't know what it is she hopes to accomplish through this exercise, but it seems to please her just fine.

Anyway, she called to tell me that I was a great teacher and that I shouldn't be so down on myself.  Even though I may have received a less than sterling evaluation, it doesn't mean that I'm a poor teacher.  She said that the ratings systems were flawed and that anytime she talks to students (and she's a talker all right) about what they've learned in my classes, they always have an answer ready to go.  That, she said, is the real key to discovering if a teacher is effective.  It's not found in the brief observations of an administrator who has been out of the game for several years and is under the thumb of the state government trying to prove that the district is worth the money that it receives.  She said that I was going to change the world someday, and that it wouldn't be at Madison.  I'm worldly and won't rest until I can reach my calling.  Then she told me that her daughters made me cookies because I seemed so down for the first time.  And that was it. 

I didn't know how to respond.  Even if she were trying to "collect" me to be on her side, those words carried some weight.  They can be true if I choose to believe them.  And I do.  There are people on my side who are willing to go to battle with me and for me.  They trust me to be the best that I can be.  Myriad parents are counting on me.  The school board and administration is counting on me.  The students themselves are counting on me.  I can't let them down.  My colleague's words were incredibly humbling.  I know that I can succeed in this field, or whatever field I choose down the road.

Often I have been consumed by the transcendental concept of leaving the world behind and exploring at my own pace, if only for a short while.  I wanted to be alone and live how I wanted to live, unrestrained by societal constructs, unfettered by mortgages and careers.  I wanted to break away.  That fire has not burned out.  In fact, it's been doused with lighter fluid...but with a catch.  While I'm away, I can change the world.  People believe in me.  And even if I don't leave, even if I choose to stay at Madison, or stay in the teaching fold, or wherever I may be, there will be people who believe in me. 

How humbling...