Maintain Consciousness

"It's 17, 18, 19 routine, and here at 23 it's the same old me."
-Relient K

Today is my 23rd birthday.  It's bittersweet.  Actually a lot more bitter than it is sweet.  I know there are literally millions of people in the world who would trade anything to be 23 again.  For many people, their 20's were the best times of their lives.  I am not one of them.  Not yet anyway.  Why am I so stunned to be at this point in my life?  Where did I expect to be?  Where am I supposed to be?  And where am I right now?

There was a time in my life where I thought that I had everything figured out.  Several times in fact.  As I graduated high school, I was looking ahead to the future, to the promise of "real-life" and all the spoils associated with it.  I was so excited to zip through college, get married, find a job, participate in the formation of a couple of kids, and settle down.  I was determined to be a 23 year old teacher/father/husband living the dream.  What could be any better?  Isn't that we were put on earth to do?  Isn't that the "good life?"

I was on that kick for the first three years of my college career.  While everyone else spent the weekend partying or studying or experiencing college in one of the greatest cities in the United States,* I drove home two hours each way to spend time with my girlfriend.  And why wouldn't I?  I was going to marry her, right?!  Who needs those silly and immature college parties when you're all grown up and have a future planned out?  Everything else seemed so inconsequential to me.

My girlfriend and I broke up at the end of my junior year, which, as it so often does, prompted a change in my priorities.  I spent the ensuing summer in Colorado, focused solely on running and enjoying the splendor of the West in any way that I could.  I did a lot of soul searching and realized that she was not the kind of woman that I wanted to spend my life with.  By the end of the summer, I had grown.  It was evident in my speech, in my actions, in my thoughts, and in my feelings.  I was learning about...me.  I didn't know what was going to be around the corner in my life, but I was eager to meet it.

My senior year, I stayed around on weekends.  I got to meet so many wonderful people that I otherwise would not have going home all the time.  I went to the parties and went on the road trips and played in the golf outings.  I got to know another girl, learned even more about myself, and realized that there was a lot that I wanted to experience in life.

And yet, 15 months after graduation, here I am.  I'm unemployed, single, and finding it difficult to come to grips with the inevitability of growing up.  I feel like I'm living the Benjamin Button life and aging in reverse.  At 18 I thought I had my future all figured out.  But here I am, 5 years later, with nothing figured out.  The thing is, I know that I'm not alone in this.  Nearly everyone goes through a "crisis" like this, where real life seems too "real" and we're too ill-equipped to deal with it.  It's a phase.  Life goes on.  It always does.  The differences lie in the way that people handle the changes.

Let's get to the point.  I really enjoy writing, and I feel like it's one of the few talents that I possess that I can actually share with others.  I want to take this year, this opportunity, this potential for growth, and run with it.  I'm going to handle these ch-ch-changes in my own way, the way that is most befitting to my continued emotional and societal development.  It is my goal to write a blog everyday from now until August 11, 2013.  It's not all going to be about the maturation process...that's what my personal journal is for.  I just want to write, about sports, about pop culture, about traveling, in verse, all of it.  Follow along for the ride if you're so inclined, and feel free to keep me accountable with words of encouragement or criticism!


*Detroit, Michigan!  Don't scoff - give this place a shot!  And spend a bunch of money in the city while you're at it.  Please?